Feeling stressed or overwhelmed can sometimes make it difficult to make helpful choices. When humans are under stress or in an emotional crisis, we often make emotionally-driven decisions and leave out our brilliant reasonable mind. This can lead to feelings of guilt and shame. One way to engage in more helpful decision-making is to step back and consider the reasonable/rational and emotional sides within us. Pausing to evaluate a situation can prevent us from making impulsive and potentially regrettable decisions.

Contrary to its name… IMPROVE is a skill that doesn’t necessarily “make things better.” It does, however, help you tolerate really difficult emotions and sometimes can shift your emotions in a more uplifting direction.

Polarized thinking is when we think in extremes such as having an “all-or-nothing” mindset, a “one or the other” mindset, or a “good or bad” mindset…. Starting to get the picture? Polarized thinking is what some therapists call a cognitive distortion (irrational or unhelpful thinking pattern). We call them this because these thoughts keep us from seeing the world as it really is: complex, intricate, and FULL of different shades and hues!

Have you ever been in a situation where you are so consumed with an emotion that you aren’t able to think clearly? In DBT, we teach distress tolerance skills that can be used to create short-term relief from painful situations and minimize the risk of impulsive behaviors. No, we don’t mean push away and avoid your emotions forever (because they will resurface). The intention is to tolerate them temporarily so you don’t make the problem worse or to survive a crisis. They can help you feel more relaxed and in control of your behaviors.

The other day, just before my therapy session (yes, therapists also go to therapy), I thought, “Things are going well. What am I going to talk about today? Maybe I should cancel my session…” I joined my session anyway. About halfway through this session, I stopped my therapist and said, “This has been bothering me, and I’m surprised I haven’t brought it up until now. I’m so glad I came to therapy today; this is really helpful!!! You will not believe this, but I was thinking about canceling session today!” – This is a 100% true story!

Many of us can recall a time when we’ve felt very intense emotions… one of those moments of emotional “crisis” where we had that terrible, sinking feeling that “this moment will never end.” And in these moments, it feels nearly impossible to do the things that need to be done.

Radical acceptance is a Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) skill designed to keep pain from turning into suffering. Radical Acceptance is tricky because it involves truly accepting reality for what it is. This doesn’t mean liking or approving of reality in certain moments. It does mean doing the opposite of denying reality, such as hyper-focusing on the way things “should” be and always wishing reality was different. By embracing reality rather than rejecting it, you can minimize unnecessary suffering. While pain is a natural and unavoidable occurrence for humans, radical acceptance allows us to keep that pain from becoming suffering.

Looking to increase joy and peace, decrease personal stress, and feel more fulfillment? In DBT, we move toward these valuable goals by using the WHAT and HOW skills. WHAT skills include observing, describing, and participating in the present moment intentionally and in a particular way. HOW skills tell us HOW to use the WHAT skills in a meaningful way. The One Mindfully Skill (a DBT HOW Skill) can support you on this journey.

We all make judgments from time to time. Yet, judgments can prompt lots of unhelpful emotions and distract you from dealing with a situation accurately or helpfully. But what exactly is a judgment. A judgment is a statement that takes facts of a situation and adds a personal preference, value, or opinion to it in an objective manner. For example, “The rain is terrible” is a judgment because it is your opinion, and others may feel differently about the situation. “It is raining today. I notice I feel sad when it rains” is a non-judgmental statement that clearly portrays what’s actually happening in the situation.

Have you ever thought about how our lives are FILLED with opposites? It snows during spring, someone you love hurts your feelings, or your favorite show makes you cry. Although opposites, both exist and both are true. A “dialectic” is just that - when two opposing things are true at once. Guess what? Our world is filled with them.

Have you ever experienced the flow state? Spoiler alert: You probably have without even realizing it! Allow me to describe it to you: The flow state is a sense of fluidity between your body and mind. You are totally absorbed and deeply focused on something to the point where distractions don’t phase you. Time feels as though it slowed down. You are fully immersed in what you are doing. Some people describe this feeling as being “in the zone.”

Self-soothing is a Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) skill that helps us manage difficult feelings and situations and tolerate things that we cannot change. Self-soothing is a set of techniques that use different senses of the body. And it is critical to wellness!

We all experience cognitive distortions from time to time. But persistent and inaccurate cognitive distortions can lead to prolonged feelings of anxiety and depression. The quality and way we think and talk to ourselves impacts how we see ourselves, others, and the world.

Hard work and high expectations are often rewarded in our society. We can see these traits being praised and rewarded all around us, including at work and in school. So what happens when your child’s hard work and expectations of themself go beyond what is reasonable or helpful? Where do we draw the line between healthy striving and unhelpful perfectionism? How do you support your child when their need to succeed, achieve, and get things “just right” seems to cause them such pain and distress?

We’ve all gotten caught up in the whirlwind of living the life of a human. When we get used to living fast paced lives, we can sometimes overlook the small things that make life worth living. Taking a moment to reflect and truly appreciate all the things going well in life is a very valuable practice.

Validation is when you let someone (or yourself) know that you understand how they’re feeling. Think of it in terms of getting your parking validated at a movie theater. When that little machine stamps your parking ticket, it’s essentially telling the other ticket machine in the parking lot, “Yes, Graham did in fact go to the movies.” When we validate ours or others’ emotions, all we are doing is saying, “Yes, you are, in fact, feeling that way.”

In the world of therapy and mental health, there are countless acronyms floating around. So you might be wondering… what exactly is “ERP” and how might it benefit my child or me?

Doing differently isn’t easy. And being told to “just make better choices” is not useful or can be hurtful. Sometimes we need a step-by-step strategy to figure out what went wrong and how to do better next time. In walks Missing Links Analysis.

We’re all experiencing some level of suffering and sadness after the Texas school shooting and the Highland Park (a Chicago suburb) parade shooting. Beyond these terrible attacks, community violence has been an all too frequent reality in many Chicago neighborhoods.

Did you know having a routine does not mean sitting in an office or classroom every day for the same number of hours?! Chances are you have more routine in your life than you realize! Your routine could be trying a new restaurant every week, using your favorite calming lotion before bed, or always having a sweet treat after dinner. A routine can even consist of setting aside time every day to have no routine at all! Whatever your personal routine may be, there is extensive evidence on the correlation between life satisfaction and a routine.