Getting Unstuck from Sticky Thinking

“I am the unluckiest person in the whole world.”

“I did the assignment wrong, I’ll definitely fail the class.”

“My hair looks bad today. My hair should never look bad.”

“They are mad at me, they don’t want to be my friend anymore.”

“I was really shy today. I’m always so shy.”

Ever have a thought or feeling like this?

You’re not alone.

The statements above are all great examples of cognitive distortions: exaggerated or irrational thought patterns that cause us to view reality in an inaccurate (and usually unhelpful) way. These are super sneaky thoughts because they disguise themselves as thoughts that seem rational and feel accurate. Quite frustrating, right? These seemly true thoughts often keep us stuck and influence our mood and actions in unhelpful ways.

We all experience cognitive distortions from time to time. But persistent and inaccurate cognitive distortions can lead to prolonged feelings of anxiety and depression. The quality and way we think and talk to ourselves impacts how we see ourselves, others, and the world.

Please keep in mind that not all uncomfortable or strong thoughts are cognitive distortions. Sometimes we have thoughts that seem distorted, untrue, or unhelpful to others but are important and real to us. For instance, if you are the only transmasculine young person (you are aware of) in your class, you might have the thought, “My school experience is different from other kids in my class.” Others might think this is extreme thinking. But in reality, this may be true and important information. Similarly, some sticky, unhelpful thoughts (or the quality of thoughts) may result from racism and oppression. Even if this is the case, there are ways to support yourself and live your most meaningful life while acknowledging the reality and impacts of these truths. If you are working with a therapist to address these cognitive interferences, it’s important to take a look at the ways our lived experiences, culture, backgrounds, race, and ethnicity impact the quality and kinds of thinking we experience. 

If I feel Cognitive Distortions are unhelpful to me, what do I do?

Great question. “Reframing” is a CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) technique and one that we use, albeit a little differently, in DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) to consciously shift the hold cognitive distortions have on our mood, actions, and other thoughts. 

The first step in managing interfering and unhelpful thoughts is to notice the thoughts. It sounds simple, but it’s actually quite challenging. Here’s a helpful tip to get you started —> unhelpful thoughts often have some of the same qualities, such as being very definitive (i.e., “This is definitely happening.”), extreme (“This never/always happens.”), and predictive (i.e., “I know they are mad at me.”)... to name a few. 

There are many ways therapists support folks in getting unstuck from unhelpful quality or content of thoughts. One way (but not the only way) is to check the facts to see if the thought is as accurate as your mind is telling you. Please note that this is not a solution for every unhelpful thought AND it can be very helpful for many folks. 

Let’s keep going…

Here are four questions to ask yourself if Cognitive Distortions are standing in your way today:

• Are there any exaggerations here?

• Are there any judgments here?

• Are there any assumptions here? 

• Am I using emotional statements instead of facts here?

Lastly, let’s practice a little self-compassion. What would you say to someone you love or who is quite close to you who was thinking or having the quality of thoughts in this way? Now say that to yourself (Quirky, I know… but science tells us it’s super helpful!).

Keep practicing! The more you practice, the less energy and time you use consumed with the quality and content of those sticky thoughts! Think of all the time and energy you will have to live your most meaningful life!

Lastly, don’t forget to validate your feelings. Just because a thought was particularly unhelpful or inaccurate doesn’t mean your feelings were “out of line.” 

For more information on managing cognitive distortions and using other DBT skills with the help of a therapist, reach out to us at hello@mindchicago.com. 

Authored by Mind Chicago therapist, Fatima Sakrani, LSW