Finding the Middle Path with Extreme Thinking

Polarized thinking is when we think in extremes such as having an “all-or-nothing” mindset, a “one or the other” mindset, or a “good or bad” mindset…. Starting to get the picture? Polarized thinking is what some therapists call a cognitive distortion (irrational or unhelpful thinking pattern). We call them this because these thoughts keep us from seeing the world as it really is: complex, intricate, and FULL of different shades and hues! 

In Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), we notice, observe, and describe when you are stuck in polarized thinking - or freezing your butt off at the proverbial South Pole (or North Pole, if you prefer). As therapists, we work with you to throw on a winter coat to tolerate the cold and move toward warmer temperatures.

One such way we help you get unstuck from polarized thinking is by acknowledging that we can hold two or more opposing thoughts, emotions, or experiences at once. When we begin to accept that multiple perspectives can coexist, we are able to look for the truth on all sides. 

For example:

Polarized Thinking: “Because I make a lot of mistakes at work, I am a bad person”

Mindful Thinking: “I’m new to this job, so I’m making mistakes. They do not diminish my worth as a person.”

Polarized Thinking: “My friend is always late - they don’t value me.”

Mindful Thinking: “I’m feeling frustrated and bothered that my friend is late. I can be clear with them on my feelings and consider a different strategy when it comes to meeting up because I know they are trying the best they can.”

Some words clearly tell us we are headed for colder temperatures (e.g., polarized thinking) such as: always, never, impossible, perfect, disaster, or ruined. Of course, the words aren’t “bad” themselves. However, if you notice them coming up often in your conversations, it could be an indication that you may be falling into polarizing thought patterns! When we are stuck in polarized thoughts we often respond and act in ways that do not match the situation or are in line with what is important to us. Sometimes people report feelings of guilt and shame after responding or acting in response to polarized thoughts or feelings. 

Learning to find the truth on all sides, regardless of a situation, takes effort and can lead to stronger relationships, a greater sense of self, and clearer thinking when making decisions.

Lastly, don’t forget to validate your feelings. Just because a thought was particularly unhelpful or inaccurate doesn’t mean your feelings were “out of line.” 

For extra guidance on reframing cognitive distortions and using other DBT skills with the help of a therapist, reach out to us at hello@mindchicago.com. 

Authored by Mind Chicago therapists Fatima Sakrani, LSW and Lee Wells, LCSW