What In The World Is Special Time?
Take a moment and reflect back to when you were a young kid. Adults likely directed a lot of your day. And it’s not much different today. From teeth brushing to electronics - grownups direct most of kid’s days.
Some kids can easily follow adult directions, while others can’t. Kids who struggle with directions (like those with ADHD) often get even more direction and redirection. This can be really frustration for parents (and stressful for kids).
So what can parents do? As silly as the term sounds, Special Time is the golden ticket to reconnecting with your child and improving your child’s direction-following skills. Now, we recognize that “Special Time” is a ridiculous name (we didn’t name it), so feel free to call it One-to-One Time or something else less cringy.
What Is Special Time
Special Time is a dedicated period of time where a parent gives undivided positive attention to their child, typically ranging from 10 to 20 minutes. Science shows that as little as 5 minutes can be an effective intervention for improving challenging behaviors such as not listening and emotional and behavioral difficulties. This time is child-led, meaning the child chooses the activity, and the parent follows their lead without distractions, instructions, or interruption. As a bonus, special time can strengthen the parent-child bond, build trust, and nurture the child’s sense of self-worth.
During Special Time, the child experiences the joy of having their parent's complete attention. This focused interaction can significantly enhance a child's emotional well-being, reinforcing their feeling of being valued and understood. It's an opportunity for parents to enter their child's world, see things from their perspective, and engage in activities that the child finds meaningful.
How to do it
When you work with us, we’ll teach you the PRIDE skills (Praise, Reflect, Imitate, Describe, Enthusiasm) or the “tenets” of child-led play when doing Special Time. In the meantime, here are three beginning strategies to get you started!
Communicate. Talk with your child about your interest in doing something pleasant and easy together - just the two of you for a few minutes each day. If there is more than one parent in the house, each parent can do Special Time!
Let them choose. Let your child decide on the activity. Avoid competitive games, watching screens, or running errands. Try Legos, blocks, crafts, magnates, or taking walks (no electronics, please).
Be a sportscast of good. Describe aloud whatever “good” or helpful things your child does - in a developmentally helpful way. Avoid adding on corrections, suggestions, or redirections.
Special Time gives kids an opportunity to interact with their parents without the stress of following directions. Roll with the unexpected. For small and minor misbehaviors, ignore. For bigger behaviors and aggression, reach out to use for more support and strategies.
What special time isn’t
Special Time is not a period for discipline or correction. It's not a time for parents to direct activities or push for educational outcomes. It's also not a multi-tasking opportunity for checking emails or answering phone calls. It is not a time to suggest things or give “advice.”
Special Time is distinctly different from general playtime or routine caregiving activities. It’s about intentionality and presence. The child leads and the parent follows, creating a unique dynamic of connection and affirmation.
Finding the bandwidth for special time
Between work, packing lunches, drop off, and pick up, finding the bandwidth for Special Time can seem daunting. We find that for how straightforward and effective parents find Special Time to be, it’s the first thing to go when life gets busy. Although you're the only person who knows your bandwidth for adding Special Time into your life, here are a few strategies to make this practice feasible and sustainable.
Prioritize and Schedule
Just like any important activity, Special Time should be prioritized. Schedule it into your day as you would with any other crucial appointment. Consistency is key, so aim for a regular slot each day or week. Even if it's just 5 minutes, the regularity of this time signals to your child that they are a top priority.
Simplify and Delegate
Simplifying daily routines and delegating tasks can free up valuable time. For instance, meal prepping on weekends or forgoing one after-school task can carve out additional minutes for Special Time. Another trick is switching days with caregivers. This can be especially helpful for families with multiple children and the need for supervision of siblings. For solo parents/caregivers, reach out for more ideas on how to make Special Time work for you!
Incorporate Flexibility
Life is unpredictable, and rigid schedules can be challenging to maintain. Be flexible with when and how Special Time occurs. If a busy day disrupts your planned Special Time, find a few minutes elsewhere to connect. The consistency of effort is more important than the exact timing.
Special Time is a powerful tool to foster deep, meaningful connections with your child. Remember, it's the quality of time, not the quantity, that makes Special Time special.
Authored by Mind Chicago therapist Courtney Chamerski, LCSW
