What You Need to Know About Texting with Your Teen

Communicating with teens can be tricky - and attempting to do so over text can be even trickier! At this stage of development, teens feel deeply and are especially vulnerable to big emotions, so effective and thoughtful communication is extra important. Yet, in the era of emojis and gifs, miscommunication via text or social media is all too common. That’s why we’re here with a few tips to help you improve your teen texting skills!

Keep It Simple

Firstly, keep it simple. Teens respond best to messages that are as simple as possible. If you can, avoid asking multiple questions at once, be judicial with emoji usage, and overall, keep it brief. If possible, big conversations and discussions should be held in person. Teens are more responsive when texts are simple to read and easy to respond to. Remember that your teen will likely do the same, so don’t be surprised by brief responses. Find peace in a simple “K” or a one-word answer… because hey, we’ll take what we can get, right?

Heads up grammar lovers… be prepared to throw punctuation out the window (especially periods) - even if it goes against everything you’ve ever been taught. Did you know that teens report feeling more stressed and worried when parents send them texts primarily using periods? When parents use periods as their primary punctuation in texts, teens express feeling uncertain and unclear about a parent’s tone. Similarly, the classic ellipses (“…”) are not received in the same way anymore by teens. If you can, avoid the ellipses altogether to avoid increased communication stress with your teen.

**Disclaimer: Attempt acronyms and abbreviations with caution. (More on this below)

Don’t force it

When asked about how they would like their parents to communicate via text with them, teens commonly said they want their parents to go with what feels natural. Teens are often not asking you or even wanting you to text them in the same way that their friends would text. In fact, they don’t want you to respond like their BFF  - so permission is granted to be you :) Use the same language that you would use to talk to your kid in person. While your kids do appreciate you learning the meaning of popular abbreviations, acronyms, and the tone of punctuation, don’t worry about being a punctuation expert or using hip slang.

Mindful responses

Just as we are taught to think before we speak, the same goes for texting. Take advantage of the opportunity that texting gives us to stop, take a step back, consider our options, and proceed mindfully (We see you DBT STOP skill!). Even more than a quick response, your teen will appreciate a mindful response. Doing so will support you in having a productive and efficient text conversation with your kid without leading to big emotions or conflict.

 While it may not seem “fair,” your teen will likely take longer than you to respond. When your teen first gets a phone, take a few minutes to set clear expectations regarding response time, especially for important messages. And, remember that a delayed response does not always have negative connotations. Your teen could be driving, in class, laughing with friends, or something else.  When you set expectations, let your teen know how you will respond when you aren’t hearing back from them so that they can be mindful of their own response time.

Text responses

You’re probably aware that most phones offer a reaction feature where people can heart, like, thumbs up, thumbs down, emphasize, and question different messages without having to write it out in words or emojis. While this can be a time saver, using and receiving text reactions may also play a role in increased miscommunication. Here is how your teen is likely using some of the options:

Emojis

Emojis can be a fun way to enhance your texts. It’s important, however, to keep your emojis to a minimum and not rely solely on emojis to convey a message. Here are today’s most popular emojis among teens and how they often use them.

Okay, you’re ready to get out there and more effectively text with your teen! 🚩 But keep in mind, all of this will change. In the spirit of effective communication, intermittently check in with your teen about the most helpful ways to talk through text. 

If your family needs more help with effective communication, reach out to us for support.

Authored by Mind Chicago therapist and child and teen specialist, Naomi Kaplan.