Tails of Love: Navigating Pet Loss as a Family
Losing a pet can be an incredibly painful and heart-wrenching experience, especially for families with young children and teenagers. Pets often become cherished family members, providing unconditional love, companionship, and countless memories. When they pass away, it's important to acknowledge the grief that follows and find ways to cope with the loss.
ACKNOWLEDGING GRIEF
Grieving the loss of a pet is natural and necessary. During this time, be mindful as children may feel extra tired, have trouble sleeping, or complain of stomach aches when struggling with sadness, worry, and grief. Children might also express confusion, disbelief, or intense sadness. Remember, these are natural parts of grieving, and it's important to be patient and compassionate as you support your children in the face of loss.
Statements of Validation for Pet Loss:
"I understand how much you miss (pet's name). It's normal to feel this way."
"It's okay to cry. We all miss (pet's name), and it's important to share how you feel."
"I'm here for you. We can talk about (pet's name) and remember all the good times we had together."
"You gave (pet's name) so much love and care. That meant a lot to (pet's name)."
"Everyone grieves differently. Take your time to feel better."
"We'll get through this together. It's hard right now, but it will get easier with time."
It’s okay for every family member, including parents, to acknowledge their feelings of sadness, loss, and even anger. It's essential to validate these emotions, understanding that it's okay to feel deeply about the loss of a pet. Encouraging children to express their feelings openly can help them process their grief. Remind them that crying, feeling sad, or wanting to talk about the pet are all normal reactions.
MEMORIAL ACTIVITIES
One way to honor your pet's memory is by engaging in memorial activities. Memorial activities can be artistic, such as painting a favorite memory or making a photo collage. Memorial activities can be active, such as talking about favorite activities with the pet or revisiting a frequented pet walking path. Some families even like to create a “take-along” memorial. These are small items we carry with us to remind us of the pet. This could be a piece of a pet toy, a picture, or a small stone with the animal’s name painted on it. These memorial activities can be meaningful for everyone in the family - kids and grownups alike! Dr. Lee Wells, Clinical Director at Mind, has a small dog bow in her car to remind her of her beloved Gizmo the dog.
SELF-SOOTHING
During this challenging time, try encouraging your family to engage in activities that may bring them comfort and relaxation. Here are some practical self-soothing techniques to help you and your children navigate your grief:
Art: Express your emotions through art or by writing letters to your pet.
Walking or Yoga: Gentle exercise like walking or yoga can help reduce stress and clear your mind
Laughing: Joking around and laughing with family and friends
Making a Favorite Meal: Spend time as a family cooking or baking a favorite comfort dish
Listening to Music: Play soothing or uplifting music to shift your mood. I personally enjoy listening to healing frequencies when feeling big emotions such as in this ‘Healing Frequency’ playlist on Spotify.
Reading or Watching Movies: Find solace in a good book or a favorite movie. Disney’s Inside Out is a family-friendly movie where viewers see characters experience a wide range of emotions, including sadness, fear, anger, joy, and disgust. This movie helps normalize the idea that all emotions are valid and part of being human. Additionally, The Invisible Leash by Patrice Karst is a children's book that explores the concept of love and connection even after a loved one, including a pet, has passed away.
Bathing: Take a warm bath with calming scents like lavender could promote feelings of relaxation
Decluttering: Removing physical clutter can provide a productive activity to engage which may reduce stress and create a peaceful space for processing emotions and memories
Remember, the loss of a pet is a significant event, and it's normal to grieve deeply. Your pet was a beloved member of your family, and it's natural to feel a sense of emptiness in their absence. Through acknowledging your grief, creating memorials, talking about your feelings, self-soothing, and being patient, you and your children can find a path toward healing. Offer each other compassionate support during this time, and know that it's okay to seek additional help from a counselor or support group if needed.
Authored by Mind Chicago therapist, Dr. Lee Wells, and friend of Mind Chicago, Fatima Sakrani, LSW.
